A few weeks ago, I wrote a "woe is me" post in which I detailed all of the struggles life is throwing at our family right now. I never hit "publish" on that post, and today, I am glad that I kept those thoughts to myself.
A few weeks later, life is still hard. We have three small children to raise, I still commute to Nashville and work full time, James has a full time job, we have been caring for James' mother in our home for over 6 weeks now, and James just finished a marathon last few weeks of school which involved writing a final paper beside his mother's hospital bed and studying for final examinations between doctor's appointments for her. There is no denying that 2013 has been tough.
But Friday was a glorious day. James graduated from Vanderbilt Divinity School. What a proud, proud moment for me. There were many, many tears of joy. (More on that later).
On Saturday, all of our commitments (tee-ball, family portraits, etc.) were cancelled for one reason or the other (with the exception of sermon writing). We were worn out and grateful for a day of semi-rest. Saturday afternoon, James took a break, and we headed out for a late lunch and quick shopping trip. James asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day, as our schedule lately has been so packed that we barely have time to make it to the grocery store, much less shop for gifts (seriously, that is not an exaggeration). I looked at him and told him there wasn't a thing in the world I wanted and not to buy me anything. Now, I am a holiday L-O-V-E-R, but James is not. On this holiday that was just for me, James couldn't believe that I wouldn't want ANYTHING. But I insisted, at the time not really knowing why I didn't feel the urge to celebrate the day with gifts.
Now, we've never been brand-name, gotta-have-it kinds of people. When I ask for something for a gift, it's usually something practical. My Christmas list includes things like a hairdryer, new towels, or a new crockpot. My clothes are not designer by any stretch, nor are James'. About 90 percent of the twins' clothing has been purchased through consignment sources, and I still find about 50 percent of Robert's clothes there, too (the selection seems to thin the older they get). Anyway, I do not own anything Coach or anything Vera Bradley, nor do I desire to. When we shop, we go to the bargain places instead of the boutiques or department stores. When it comes to baby gear and kids toys, I often shop Craigslist before shopping the stores. The babies have some "designer" smocked clothes, but all were purchased used or as steeply discounted samples. Now, I'm not saying this to brag in any fashion, and of course, we aren't without wants. I have a "James build me" list that's a mile long, and I'd love to have a new leather chair for the living room (seriously, ours is about 20 years old, a hand-me-down from my parents that is OH-SO-COMFORTABLE but has seen its better days). But I say all of that to make this point: we have enough. In fact, we have more than enough. So, when I told James I wanted nothing, I meant it. Life has been hard lately, but without even realizing it at the time, I was coming around to the idea that through the difficulties, our blessings are overflowing. Blessings that I sometimes forget to see because I'm lost in the stress of the day-to-day.
So on Mother's Day, I woke up to the usual hectic crazy Sunday morning that has become the norm in our pastor's family. I jumped into my usual routine: finish the bulletins (this happens all too often), dress the kids, dress the mama, and find something for everyone to eat. I had totally forgotten about the "specialness" of the day. And as I was putting breakfast into the oven to warm, a sweet little 4 year old came into the kitchen with his hand-made preschool craft and card. He handed it to me, gave me a hug, and said "Happy Mother's Day, Mama." And that was more than enough. (I will admit that James just had to do SOMETHING for mother's day, so he surprised me about a week later with a pedicure lunch date. It was a perfect, perfect way to celebrate!).
Over the course of the weekend, my perspective on how hard we have it right now turned to gratefulness. We have a love-filled home with three precious, precious children. My husband just finished an accomplishment that no one in his family before him has ever done. And he did it while raising a small child, moving two times, pastoring two churches full time, maintaining a scholarship-worthy GPA, adding twins to the mix in the middle of writing his senior thesis, helping nurse his mother through lung cancer (twice), and countless other obstacles. We are about to embark on a new chapter in life, one which will be filled with new challenges and new obstacles. And as we enter that new phase of life, I am so grateful for that new perspective.
So yesterday, my Mother's Day was filled with blessings, just not the material kind. I was gifted with worship at two churches, a lunch out (at Zaxby's... mama's choice - because who wants to wait two hours to eat out on Mother's Day?), and an afternoon outside in the sunshine with my four precious loves. No better gift than that. Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of being a mama.
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